March 30, 2020
Today’s observation – I called my
doctor’s office this morning to request to be tested for the virus. I explained my circumstances, how I was asymptomatic,
that I worked for a school with a residential program and with an administration
that was following the guidance dispatch for quarantine from the governor. That I had been out of state on Spring Break
for two weeks and hence my quarantine. I
also explained that while out of state, I’d stayed with family and helped care
and keep company with my elder mother. I
had traveled in a small social circle in a rural area and had no reason to
think I’d been in contact with an infected person, having practiced fastidious preventative
measures throughout the last fourteen days to keep my mother safe. (I had to be convincing. The PA at her office
told me there was slim to no chance that I could get tested, they just weren’t supplied
in this way; and that the governor’s memo was a recommendation not a mandate. I
was ecstatic! And quite sure that I would be ending my quarantine today. The
day ahead promised gorgeous sunny, mild Spring therapy and the week ahead more
of the same. I promptly fired off an email to my administrators with the
news. It didn’t take long to get a
response from my headmaster, who is a dear friend, but his reply was disappointing.
I would have to remain in quarantine for the optics if nothing else. He was doing triage with the extreme anxiety
of the parents of our international students who were riled, and justly so, by
the daily reports of our national outbreak.
Regardless of my likelihood of contagion, if someone on campus did
contract the virus and get sick, and he did not want fingers to point to
me. Our school had to exhibit that it
was doing everything to make the campus a shelter for our young residents. I
understood, I truly did and do – if they were my kids, I’d want them home too,
if there seemed any undo risk. Still upon
getting his decision rendered so succinctly and logically, I had a little emotional
meltdown. An actual clutch in my belly. I realized even after only three days,
that being quarantined alone (thank goodness for my little pup) away from
family support or close friends is tough and lonely. I had developed a habit of diffusing stress
by sharing silly epiphanies in the moment with my sister or getting my butt
kicked at canasta by my mom. Talking on
the phone or FaceTime or Zoom was not the same, and I longed to jump in the car
and take long hikes in the woods or countryside. The new restrictions hit me
hard after only the few days I’d left North Carolina and Tennessee. Another odd feeling settled in for me, I felt
ostracized, marginalized. Talk about privileged! I was a spoiled American and now it was time
for me to walk my righteous talk about living open hearted with my chin up. I must trust that my colleagues will help me
with any real needs I have for emotional support. I hope this time will deepen our friendships.
Reflecting on what I wrote earlier about
the moral compass of holding dignity in times of duress, accepting with grace
and courage the hand one is dealt, I wonder about the foreshadowing now. Lean in, I tell myself, this is not so bad, privileged
and fortunate one.
Today’s image – Networking – I have
begun to lower my pedagogy into the pools of remote classroom design. It makes sense as an adaptation to protect
our vulnerable animal-ness that we extend our capacity to continue our work as
a school community with the virtual reach and protection of internet technology.
Beyond deepening my technical skill set, being the traditional empirical,
experiential learning advocate that I am, this innovation will open a new
frontier for me and bring me to some new experiences. Besides I might be quarantined but most of my
colleagues are also sheltering in place and working from home too. Not sitting in a room together, breathing the
same air and picking up on nonverbal cues or body language delivers its own challenges
for all of us. As we learn to adapt and
become adept with these new instruction platforms, in virtual discussions about
best lesson deliveries or learning outcomes, we begin to understand that as
important as the teaching is the ability to practice more tolerance with each
other and with our students. The simple act
of changing our group discussion formats has been taxing in and of itself today
as we explored together the Microsoft TEAMS platform. We cannot shift to autopilot and cruise for
the time being. Many of us are rattled
not doubt because our fourth quarter feels as if it has short circuited back to
a first quarter. No doubt, students feel
a bit of the same anxiety about how the year will end. Still the spring
advances, the moon circles Earth growing full then thinning back to dark and we
turn around our sun from daylight to dawn.
Gratitude for these fixed constants that provide us with firm footing as
we learn the new steps forward, as we adapt.
Today’s idea – Surrender can be
such a unifier, a reconciliation, a show of respectful deference. What is the opposite of such acquiescence? What
is worthy of receiving such? I want to
know that I surrender into a bowl that holds my volition with care and respect,
not pouring it onto a rock that will grind it into fodder. Funny how important that discretionary point
is because once surrendered it is no longer mine but another’s. That is the nature of surrender, no? And my
eccentric individualist self, apparently an important core element of my
identity still struggles with being a simple and strong thread in the weave of
a larger cloth. I am always awkward in
my swimming with the school of us.
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